A Chinese man and an Australian man walk into a bar....

I’ve held off for two months but can resist no longer, so here are a couple of the more humorous signs and translations we have seen around the place. Funnier than my ‘Dad jokes’ will ever be.

Adult Shops –this one is your Retravision for the bedroom.

FINALLY a clothes shop to service my enhanced cushioning frame.

Spot the rule that failed his Political Correctness class.

Blurb from the back cover of a DVD we picked up from our local shop, transcribed word for word (complete with punctuation). Probably the result of using a website like Babelfish to translate an English blurb to Mandarin and then converting it back again at another time, or using another translation service.

“The fresher who just came to New York this big city as one, the dave has no alternative but to be different races, he seems always some not too enemies. Do not say that first he has to this city does not adapt, but is his body and his cerebrum as if does not coordinate, Such is incompatible with looks resembles unthinkability, actually has a reasonable explanation: Originally the dave is not a humanity, he is by a miniature alien the spaceship which constructs according to own image. Adye. “Dave Number Airship” acts two role – human form airship and miniature outside start captain in this family comedy big piece. Lets us know the first dave, about his probably 40 years old, the appearance also calculates asks for happily, but the clothing is strange, he always wears a body pure white the formal clothes, in the pocket inserts is folding together is neat the black handkerchief, lets the human not able to bear recalls about the last century 70 years that disco dancing big line of its...”

Clear as mud, really, and the prime candidate for use in our first mystery prize giveaway. The rules are simple - the first person who correctly identifies the film being described will get a little surprise from us. Submit your answers in the comments section at the bottom of the blog and put your Hollywood cinema knowledge to the test.

As to what we have been up to since the last post, we have managed to get out on our bikes twice for some riding around the city (as a family anyway – I tend to ride during the week also). Last weekend we headed down to what is becoming a favourite breakfast joint called ‘Grandma’s Kitchen’, a 1/2hr ride away down in the CBD (does a great Peppered Steak and Eggs). In addition to seeing some of the side streets we hadn’t checked out yet, we also got a chance to check out the recently burnt out (and not even finished) Mandarin Oriental hotel which is part of the new CCTV complex – the result of a waylaid industrial firework that was let off right next to it in contravention of local authorities. Looks like someone is going to get some big smacks over this one. Today we decided to head out to Hou Hai lake, where 7 weeks ago we had gone ice skating on the frozen lake. Although we are not feeling it on the skin at the moment the temperature appears to have really started to head North, because only the middle of the lake was still frozen and the local boat hire businesses along the lake’s edge testing out their rigs.

Hou Hai in the warmer weather – The fun ice bikes are packed away until next winter.

It was a great ride, including a pootle through the maze of Hutongs that border the lake. The best part of the day though had to be our first go at the local Hotpot cuisine for lunch. Although we had done it a few times in Canberra with ace Hotpot Wok ‘Head’ Master Grace, we were not exactly sure of the order of steps here but we had a very nice (and understanding) waitress who helped us to work our way through 2 plates of meat, a plate of mushroom, noodles, shrimp balls (not that type..) and some Chinese leafy green stuff that Amy asked for. With stretched stomachs it was certainly a slow start to the ride back home, broken up with a stop to the big Giant Bike shop. The shop was packed, and more importantly it was packed with some high-end bike gear giving some credence to recent reports that recreational biking is really starting to take off in China (where up until now they have seen it purely as a staple transport). We did manage to scope out a new bike for Maddy, as her recent growth spurt has seen her outgrow her old one and we are now looking to take the big step up to a 20inch wheel model (and gears). Mental notes were taken for an up and coming birthday, while I attempted to communicate with the shop staff on needing to get a quote for replacing my broken derailleur for my insurance claim. While not certain yet, I think I may have had some success on this front but will not know for sure until I drop my bike in during the week for them to look at (fingers crossed).

Amy and Madeline negotiating their way through the very narrow traffic lanes at the very Western end of our street.

Maddy and I getting into the Hou Hai Hotpot for lunch.

Riding through the Hutongs – we came across a few dead-ends and had to backtrack. It would be easy to get lost in there.

Amy thinks all this bike riding is like when we first started dating and were exploring the streets and bikepaths of Canberra, only this time, we are accompanied by a little monkey that keeps a constant commentary, including chatter, singing and endless questions. (Reece inserts a soppy ‘ahhhhh’ here).

One of the best times on the bike so far happened last Saturday when I headed out to the Olympic MTB course out at Laoshan for a lap with a few other guys. In the end it was a tough trip with many parts of the course still covered in snow and many sections being worked on by trail gangs (although I think they are planning to pave it – a REAL shame). All in all though it was a great combination of riding and pushing for me (showing my lack of fitness), and I’m keen to head back before it all goes by the wayside as there appears to be very little maintenance being done on it.

Me in one of my few attempts to ride up the snowing trails of the Laoshan Olympic Mountain Bike course (not surprising I didn’t make it).

Outside of the cycling I have joined a group that does Tai Chi every Friday morning and I am having an absolute ball. Unlike the Tai Chi I did in Canberra many years ago which was more focussed on the relaxation, our Tai Chi teacher here is an experienced Tai Chi, Tai Chi sword and Kung Fu/Wushu Coach (and an accredited Wushu Judge). We are talking about a small, petite lady who can hold her leg out parallel to the floor while balancing on her other one for 1/2hr, and certainly not one to mistake for a bag-snatching target if you were that way inclined. While we have only had two lessons we have been moving through the first form very quickly, and I’m already starting to feel the effects of the exercise on my legs (which felt like lead balloons after last Friday’s lesson). While I have been giving some thought to getting back to Kung Fu, this class provides me with the opportunity to get back into the forms side of the martial arts while also getting to see the self defence application of the moves (having had the teacher throw my arm to the side like it was a wet noodle, without her even tensing a muscle – goodbye male pride).

This week we finally got around to testing out the squash facilities, and were pleasantly surprised at how well Maddy progressed in the one session we had. Not the most coordinated of sports people, she managed to apply her “cricket cover drive for everything” hitting approach and was soon returning some nice balls back from the service. It is certainly something we will be working on.

Outside of the physical exercise arena we were stoked to find out that we could download the latest season of Underbelly from iTunes only a few hours after it is shown in Australia. And in an even better stroke of fortune I have managed to stretch my often limited skill in home electronics knowledge and connect the laptop up to the new TV allowing us to enjoy it on the big screen. We are now making more use of iTunes to grab some movies that we can’t get locally (or ones we want to see without the heads bobbing across the bottom of the screen). To the AppleMac marketing department: I take direct deposit – please contact me for account details.

Maddy continues to be busy with school and with school friends, and went to her 2nd friend’s birthday party last weekend at a local Kids Funzone just down the road. Aside of the great play area, this place also had the biggest ball-pit I’ve ever seen – I was surprised not to see some flower reefs around the outside in memory of lost children but luckily the supervision was also good (so much so that we left her there and went for coffee at a local bookstore).

On the visitor front we are very excited about a few proposed visits by friends and relatives in the next 12 months. In August I am expecting a few cousins over for a flying visit just before I head back to Australia in early September for 2 weeks to see friends and family and catch the MTB World Champs, at which time I will bring my folks back with me (all things going to plan). In December Amy’s brother and sister in law will be visiting for a few days along with their new baby, allowing Amy to send some quality time with her new niece.

Our plans for the next few weeks include a day trip to Tianjin (Beijing’s port city located around 2hrs drive to the SE), and a trip to Shaolin with the local China Culture Club. We are looking forward to both, and while I think the latter will be heavily commercialised I am still excited to check out the birthplace of Kung Fu.

Finally, I’m after a pie maker so if anyone wants to send one over, I’ll happily exchange it for an Ipod. I have a ‘genuine’ one here that Madeline only used once, in great working order :-). The pies here just aren't up to scratch (Please Note: This is a a joke. Please don’t send one over as it will cost you an absolute fortune in postage. BUT if you were planning on visiting and have the luggage space...;-).